Friends, Americans, countrymen, lend me your ears:  I come to share with you a disgraceful and utterly disturbing fact about the humans.  Their sniffers.  The human sniffers do not work.  I suppose this is why they do not greet each other with a quick sniff of the butt rather just trust this other being coming into their midst is harmless.  Truly a haunting thought.

I discovered this when there were two balls in our vicinity.  The human picked up the ball that smelled like fall and threw it!  So I stared at him, not wanting to cause him embarrassment over this faux pas.  Clearly we were playing with the ball that smelled a little like dirt with a trace of poop. See?  Human sniffers do not work! I am standing there staring at him and he makes an arm movement like he is throwing the ball.  Poor poor creature he has forgotten already that he threw a ball, the wrong ball, but yes you threw a ball now there is nothing in your paw yet you continue to do this. I am now utterly embarrassed for him.  I can no longer stand the humiliation I know he must feel.  I glance at Suki, and she too feels it as she glances away. She is old and wise and learned long ago that the human sniffers do not function and she cannot understand why I continue to have hope for the human sniffers.

I look at the other ball and make a slight whiney sound with a rolling quality to it, clearly emitting the message of no you simple simple man, over here, this is the correct ball. He then speaks, I believe he is going to share his sad tale of the broken human sniffers and how he needs guidance in these things but instead he says, go get the ball.  Argh! The injustice of it all!  So I go to dirt poop ball and nudge it with my nose, the embarrassment is more than I can handle.  He picks it up says something “brilliant” like “oh you want this one?” and throws it.  Obviously I behave in an overly excited manner to ensure he knows how proud of him I am. I do not know if he will ever understand the subtle nuances of dirt poop ball and fall moldy ball but I refuse to give up on my human as I believe I am his best friend and I can assist where their human sniffers fail.  Just because he cannot detect the whiff of untrustworthy on other humans I must dutifully stand by him and his inefficiencies.

Be patient with your humans.  They are not equipped to safely traverse this earth without us.  Remember friends nudge your humans Jeep. Dog. Ball. Repeat.

Hoodlum Out.

 

Human Sniffers:  some are pretty good. You can learn more here.  Did you known this is some folks job?

 

Human Sniffers

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