Social media is both a blessing and a curse. The reality is on a whole we likely learn a little too much about each other. As a bystander I should only see certain things. I do not want to be included in the blanket invitation into your worlds nor do I plan on inviting you into mine. Here is where I get a little dumbfounded, why would you post nasty, unkind things about your spouse/partner?
Why would you sit with a group of women and complain about all the horrible atrocities that dwell within your home like you do not own some of it? As if you have no control over the situation? I honestly do not need to know these things and when they are shared with me I often wonder what that person is looking for. Are they being passive aggressive as likely their spouse/partner is “friends” with them? Recently I believe I have come to the mountain and I have seen the light!
These people: A) do not like their spouse/partner B) Enjoy being unhappy C) Love to complain D) a combination of B and C.
So for those that fall into the category of A, my advice to you is leave. I have had a number of people in my life that spend years complaining and speaking poorly of their partner, and when it dawns on me this has been almost the majority of their relationship, I am a little dumbfounded as to why they are still with this person. I mean, if I can speak frankly, I don’t think you like them. I am curious what they are waiting for. A complete overhaul of this person? This person to return to the person they thought they were but actually never were to begin with? Or the obvious being the zombie apocalypse has arrived and this person is a survivor. I have little sympathy after years of the same complaints. I will tell you now, life is short and much like that song, “If you can’t be with the one you love honey Love the one you’re with.” If you cannot have love for this person daily, it is time to go. Neither of you deserves anything less. The amount of negativity you are inviting into your world is damaging. It is damaging you, your partner, any potential for a good relationship and even those around you. AND if you have kids, do you want them to repeat your life? Your miserable unhappy loveless life? Make a choice, sit down with the spirit of Joe Strummer and decide should I stay or should I go? If you decide to stay, find the good, truly happiness is a CHOICE.
For those that fall into the B, C and D categories, this is what I imagine, that no matter how great or perfect your partner is you will never be happy. Never. Because you don’t want to be. Personally I don’t want anyone bad mouthing my husband, in fact I would get a bit overzealous in his defense, because no one gets to say bad things about him except me because, well he is mine and I wash his underwear. But, if I don’t want people thinking or saying bad things about him then I shouldn’t SAY bad things about him. This would not be the case if he were lazy, or beat me, or spent all of our extra money on heroin because I would indeed have to complain about these things, except I wouldn’t. Because I wouldn’t stay in that relationship. This is not to say that my husband is perfect (kidding honey you are absolutely perfect!) but the areas that somehow do not seem to live up to my expectations (generally randomly selected at certain times so he has no idea what will bother me from one day to the next) are relatively minor. If something creeps upon us that is more than minor and cannot be embraced, then we seek change. We honor each other and our relationship in this fashion.
Complaining is a habit. A bad one and generally I try not to complain about minor stupid issues. Truly no one in this house will even discuss how the toilet paper is placed on the holder. We are thankful that the tp is within reaching distance when the need arises. It is all perspective. It is a choice.
Sometimes we have to learn when it is us, when it is him/her or maybe when we are just simply incompatible. I want to look back on a life full of memories and happiness and not have giant regrets as to why I nagged him when he places his trash on the counter right above the trash can. I understand that someday I just may miss walking through the kitchen and smiling as I toss his discarded items for him. In the end I want someone that will take my hand and lead me through the flames to come out on the other side maybe a little scarred but with the two of us intact. I simply couldn’t expect him to walk beside me, strong and protective, during a large crisis or the daily struggles when I did not do the same for him. Every day.
To me we are sacred and I will honor and protect it as such.